It’s November now, only a few short weeks until I’ll be 31. Halloween has come and gone, stores are starting to put out their Christmas items. Shorts and sandals are now sweaters and toques. I haven’t written for a while, and I’ve been alright with it. Still, I’m drawn back to document my journey through life.
I’ve gone dark for some time and switched back to another hosting provider, one I can’t install Google Analytics on and watch who, and how often visits my little space. I don’t know why, but knowing my ex-visited my blog just about every two or three days from home, work, wherever got under my skin.
Halloween was a few days ago. The trees are absolutely gorgeous.
I don’t believe that I’ve been out trick or treating for the last few years, or at least I cannot remember it. It was a nice change of pace.
As I think forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, it’s a warm feeling knowing that I won’t be abandoned and unable to share my family, traditions with my partner. I get that when you first meet someone, sure; but six months in and they’ve never met your family and refuse to partake in any part in your side of the holidays is quite ridiculous, and to me, narcissistic.
This year Amanda and I will be hosting Christmas with Lola here at home. We’ll likely drive up and spend a day with my family, head to hers, and we have a Friendsgiving planned the weekend after at our place for Thanksgiving. Of all the holidays, Amanda loves Christmas.
My birthday is nearing and I’m torn as to how I’d like to celebrate. I took the rest of that week off and the weekend is free. A part of me wishes to rent a cabin in Brown Co again, another thinks of taking the RV and staying in the State Park near the forest. Yet, maybe I want to rough it and tent camp outside with the beautiful trees.
Or maybe I don’t want to do anything at all but sit at home with a toasted cheese bar, tomato soup, and pumpkin pie. It’s starting to feel like the latter if I don’t get plans together now.
We spoke of Christmas and travel plans. As always, poetry, art is always more meaningful to me than things that one can buy and gift. I’ve managed to keep the St. Nick’s day tradition alive and well so far, exchanging stockings will likely be something that I will continue to do for the rest of my life.
Past that, I think we’d enjoy heading to Sanibel Island together in the dead of winter. One way or another, I’ll be taking that helicopter tour at some point. I’ll park my big ass truck and trailer right on the fucking beach and fall asleep to the sound of the ocean, just as I promised myself back in February. And well, yes. I have found campsites right on the beachfront.
Ah yes, one last thing for today I suppose. I think I want a Fall Wedding. Fall and winter for me have always been a period of loss. Family dying/bring murdered, end of relationships, getting kicked out when I was 18 and living homeless for some time. Um.. being carjacked and taken hostage. Being mugged by an African American female little person (that sentence is a minefield).
A part of me dreads my birthday each year for these reasons and well, these are all just random events that just so happen near the end of the year. Still though, reclaiming memories and rewriting narratives has been very powerful for me. And realistically, we should have bought a house by then which is important if we want a backyard wedding.