Lover’s spit

I haven’t spent the night here for a few months now until last night. I came into town yesterday. Tia moved to Lafayette just the other night, I stopped by and unloaded some things that I no longer needed, had pizza. I finished out the night by taking Elaine out for Ice Cream to celebrate graduating with her Doctorate.

I suppose I’ll say goodbye to Alyssa while I’m here as well, but only by ceremoniously disposing of further items I continue to run across of hers in this townhome.

IMG_8164
Stained mattress pad with film strip negative

There was once a king who would sleep on his bathroom floor once a month to stay humble. Enough time and mental space has passed for this place to feel alien, but it is still emotionally difficult to be here. Thankfully I was tired enough to fall right asleep.

I would have laughed my ass off if you told me that I’d become a minimalist, move into an RV, and live on the road just a few short months ago. I would have likely looked at you with scorn if you told me I’d start living my life for my own goals and dreams.

Am I happy? Yeah, I’ve been happy. Do you ever do something really challenging then feel accomplished, fulfilled afterwards? That’s my life almost everyday. I’m growing leaps and bounds and while sometimes exhausting, it feels incredible.

Dreams don’t come true. Decisions do.

A refocusing of this blog

It’s difficult to know how much you should share in a public space, at least in one that you are willing to share that is associated with your name. Coworkers, family members, friends, enemies, oh my.
Vulnerability is important, but not everyone should be let in. Some things are better left unsaid.
Today I launch a secret blog.. YES A SECRET BLOG. Wait, no. I don’t like that. How about an anonymous blog? Yes, that’ll do. It isn’t secret, it’s publicly available on the internet. It isn’t secret to those who matter.
I do have some goals I’d like to set for this one:

  • Featured images, consisting of my own work from now on
  • “Safe for work” content. Would I share what I’m writing with friends, family members?

That’s about it. Boom. Enjoy.

Lilac and gooseberries

Masculinity. Femininity.
Quagmire of emotion.
Goosebumps, gasps.
Boundaries, rules.
Walls, tumbling down.
The dam breaks,
the chasm overflows.
Dilated pupils.
Lilac and gooseberries.
Becoming.

Planted

You watch as I unfold
Flower petals brushing the wood 
floors I stand upon, barefoot
Dusty with my voice box 
but easy with my overflow
I can map my body
I can connect the dotted lines
of my freckles
point to what hurts
trace the parts that feel like sun
here is my river water
here are the eroded rocks
here are all the things I want to become
and am becoming
watch my telephone wires fall to the asphalt
then rise back up again, reconnected
I can bend myself backwards
while maintaining eye contact
do you know how many leaves
must fall from an oak before it is bare?
I am always giving myself away
to the cloud dust
to the seashells
to the places I have never been but lust
after in the dark of the night
pouring over images of mountains and streams
cacti, flocks of birds, bright painted buildings
there was once a girl that wrote a story
and in it, we were looking underneath lilypads
and her words were pretty and emotional and right
but you are real
you are not mist rising over a field
you are firmly present, planted, happening.
– Anonymous